Thursday, June 11, 2009

En Medias Coitus

After two years of miraculously not seeing each other despite this size of the small town we socialize in, I ran into the man from the last blog entry again in a bar.  His girlfriend is what drew my attention as she flirted with me in a delicious way (damn, that girl can dance), but I didn't recognize him... vaguely familiar, but certainly not in a sexual context.  But by the time he spoke to me, saying, "I think you and have the same taste in women," my immediate response was, "No, I think she and I have the same taste in men."  When I reminded him of our atypical parting, he had no recollection (what a shock) and thought I was remembering someone else.  So I described his home, from the Navy buddies to the triple-mattress bed, at which point he interjected with, "Not anymore" with a thumb jerk to his girlfriend behind him, and claimed he must have been "drunk or something." Ahh, the levels men will stoop to deny what I now understand to be a mortifying experience.  
Which is the cusp of this entry... the distinctly diametrically opposed reactions between men and women at hearing the original little story.  
Women are amazed (amazed? really? why??) that I would do something so "ballsey. " Men are utterly incensed and practically horrified (no this is not hyperbole) that I'd leave in medias coitus.
When I explain my reasoning, they still think I'm heinous for leaving a guy hanging...  "but we're talking about physical pain here" and "That's just low."  Hmmm, I don't know if I've ever heard a woman describe a man leaving her sexually unsatisfied as a "low" activity.  It's the norm.  It's expected.  It's sad that in 2009, a woman's sexual pleasure is still secondary to a man's.   I mean, studies were done on this in the 1960's for Chrissake! 

You'd think these indignant men would be ashamed.  For a true Cassanova would rather die than leave a woman wishing for more.  To use every means at his disposal (yes, hands and mouths are amazing sexual instruments... just ask your favorite lesbian) actually makes him more of a man.  When was the last time you heard men regaling their friends with sexual tales describing what finger moves they used to "finish her off" after they came too early for her.  But every straight/bi woman I know can tell you at least one trick (yes, that's how it's described) that will make sure the man is satisfied (even they're no longer interested in penetrative sex) and how often they've used it. And trust me... it's often.  Rarely does one hear a man say he 'faked it', but I can guarantee that the majority of women you know have.  Do a poll.  Ask around.  How much extra attention are men getting at the, excuse the pun, hands of women when reciprocation is a rarity?

Yes, yes, there are some lovely men whose sexual virtues regarding women cannot be extolled enough (my boyfriend, for example).  However, their virtue isn't any more splendid than a woman who puts in the same effort. 


  1. Let's pretend I book a banquet hall for a 100+ person party, asked the caterers to waive the deposit, and then about a week before the event decide I don't want to have the party at all. So I call and cancel. I assure the venue that it has nothing to do with their proficiency in catering an event; I just don't want to throw the party I had committed to. Well, it certainly is within my rights to do so. But it doesn't make me a trustworthy businessman.

  2. But what if the reason you cancelled was because you realized they were going to provide unsatisfactory service and, as such, you had no intention of ever using their services again? Are you still so reprehensible?

  3. Then I would be a self-justifying pre-judger!

  4. The male outrage you mentioned is interesting and horribly selfish.

    If stopping before your parter gets off is horrible, then the prime goal of having sex becomes orgasm. Does that mean it's not sex if you don't get off?

    If so, does that justify why men claim to have more sex than women do?

  5. I firmly believe in "ladies first," although it is always best to keep an open mind. Tools are great...removes the penile fixation... shared communication produces the best orgasms – best metaphor is tango.